DUCT TAPE ACROSS AMERICA
www.fuckthewar.com | 03.03.2003 03:26
A campaign to make antiwar protests more media-visible through the placement of duct tape by protesters at protest sites on March 15 in the name of "homeland security."
A modest proposal for all who are considering marching in Washington or elsewhere on March 15:
THE DUCT TAPE ACROSS AMERICA CAMPAIGN!
People who oppose Bush's genocidal war on Iraq are the truest patriots of all - people who genuinely care about their country and its conduct in the world, not to mention its security.
At a cost of billions of dollars, Bush created the Department of Homeland Security, presumably to keep us all safe, right? And who are we, mere citizens, to argue with the presumably infallible logic of Shrub and his Homeland Insecurity czar, Tom Ridge, who - after, we would expect, tremendous amounts of diligent scientific study - has advised us that we are to keep ourselves safe with that old stalwart, duct tape?
Everyone knows that duct tape has innumerable valuable household uses, from patching a leaky muffler to repairing threadbare carpeting. But now we've learned that it's also AMERICA'S FRONT LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST TERRORISM! Who knew?
Since we all want to keep America safe, it is our humble suggestion that those protesting in DC or elsewhere on the 15th come armed with PLENTY of super-strong, super-durable duct tape, and proceed to "secure" everything in sight. Since duct tape's magical and hitherto unknown properties seemingly include the creation of an impenetrable force field invulnerable to chemical, biological, or nuclear attack, it stands to reason that affixing a small strip of it to anything and everything in need of that extra bit of security should do the trick.
Imagine: by simply applying one-inch squares, say, of duct tape to the sidewalk in front of the white house, YOU can do YOUR PART to keep America safe from Terrorism! And wherever Bush, Cheney, or their minions in the media look, they'll see EVIDENCE that some proud American cared enough to do their part to make America more secure! What could be more patriotic? Just think! Through the miracle of DUCT TAPE, items such as flag poles, lampposts, fences, phone booths, soda machines, public telephones - anything you can think of - can be made MAGICALLY INVULNERABLE to Georgie Bush's imaginary invading Iraqi armies!
Defending America has never been so simple, so nonviolent, or - at $3.97 down at the ol' hardware store - so cost-effective! Since the good folks over at the Department of Homeland Security can drop tens of billions of your dollars to make this carefully-reasoned recommendation, you can afford to chip in another $3.97 (plus applicable sales taxes), right?
So: SAY IT WITH DUCT TAPE! AND KEEP AMERICA FREE!
A public service announcement from fuckthewar.com
***PROUD AMERICANS: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO FORWARD THIS ANNOUNCEMENT TO PATRIOTS EVERYWHERE! THANK YOU!***
THE DUCT TAPE ACROSS AMERICA CAMPAIGN!
People who oppose Bush's genocidal war on Iraq are the truest patriots of all - people who genuinely care about their country and its conduct in the world, not to mention its security.
At a cost of billions of dollars, Bush created the Department of Homeland Security, presumably to keep us all safe, right? And who are we, mere citizens, to argue with the presumably infallible logic of Shrub and his Homeland Insecurity czar, Tom Ridge, who - after, we would expect, tremendous amounts of diligent scientific study - has advised us that we are to keep ourselves safe with that old stalwart, duct tape?
Everyone knows that duct tape has innumerable valuable household uses, from patching a leaky muffler to repairing threadbare carpeting. But now we've learned that it's also AMERICA'S FRONT LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST TERRORISM! Who knew?
Since we all want to keep America safe, it is our humble suggestion that those protesting in DC or elsewhere on the 15th come armed with PLENTY of super-strong, super-durable duct tape, and proceed to "secure" everything in sight. Since duct tape's magical and hitherto unknown properties seemingly include the creation of an impenetrable force field invulnerable to chemical, biological, or nuclear attack, it stands to reason that affixing a small strip of it to anything and everything in need of that extra bit of security should do the trick.
Imagine: by simply applying one-inch squares, say, of duct tape to the sidewalk in front of the white house, YOU can do YOUR PART to keep America safe from Terrorism! And wherever Bush, Cheney, or their minions in the media look, they'll see EVIDENCE that some proud American cared enough to do their part to make America more secure! What could be more patriotic? Just think! Through the miracle of DUCT TAPE, items such as flag poles, lampposts, fences, phone booths, soda machines, public telephones - anything you can think of - can be made MAGICALLY INVULNERABLE to Georgie Bush's imaginary invading Iraqi armies!
Defending America has never been so simple, so nonviolent, or - at $3.97 down at the ol' hardware store - so cost-effective! Since the good folks over at the Department of Homeland Security can drop tens of billions of your dollars to make this carefully-reasoned recommendation, you can afford to chip in another $3.97 (plus applicable sales taxes), right?
So: SAY IT WITH DUCT TAPE! AND KEEP AMERICA FREE!
A public service announcement from fuckthewar.com
***PROUD AMERICANS: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO FORWARD THIS ANNOUNCEMENT TO PATRIOTS EVERYWHERE! THANK YOU!***
www.fuckthewar.com
e-mail:
david@fuckthewar.com
Homepage:
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Comments
Hide the following 4 comments
shout about it
03.03.2003 12:20
Duct tape indeed.
I wish we in the uk had the same masterful leadership as yourselves.
Aparently when there is a terrorist threat in our country, the best thing to do is station the army at the airport.
Yep that ought to do it.
What makes me wonder though, is, are these terrorists so much more effective than the IRA?
I never remember any security measures such as this during their "reign of terror".
Hell of a lot of concern considering nothings happened.
Still, for once I'm with the american, maybe us brits should press Blair for some advice on how to survive an attack.
I wonder what they would say......
andy
shout about it
03.03.2003 12:21
Duct tape indeed.
I wish we in the uk had the same masterful leadership as yourselves.
Aparently when there is a terrorist threat in our country, the best thing to do is station the army at the airport.
Yep that ought to do it.
What makes me wonder though, is, are these terrorists so much more effective than the IRA?
I never remember any security measures such as this during their "reign of terror".
Hell of a lot of concern considering nothings happened.
Still, for once I'm with the american, maybe us brits should press Blair for some advice on how to survive an attack.
I wonder what they would say......
andy
shout about it
03.03.2003 12:21
Duct tape indeed.
I wish we in the uk had the same masterful leadership as yourselves.
Aparently when there is a terrorist threat in our country, the best thing to do is station the army at the airport.
Yep that ought to do it.
What makes me wonder though, is, are these terrorists so much more effective than the IRA?
I never remember any security measures such as this during their "reign of terror".
Hell of a lot of concern considering nothings happened.
Still, for once I'm with the american, maybe us brits should press Blair for some advice on how to survive an attack.
I wonder what they would say......
andy
I CAN'T AGREE MORE!!!
03.03.2003 17:16
Cheney Admits Vast Holdings in Duct Tape and Plastic Sheeting
Feb. 19 — A potentially embarrassing bombshell hit the Bush administration today as it was revealed that Vice President Dick Cheney controls a company that has virtually cornered the world market in duct tape and plastic sheeting.
THE BUSINESS, GloboWrapCorp, currently sells between 97 and 98 percent of all of the duct tape and plastic sheeting in the world, according to estimates.
While Cheney’s ties to the oil-services company Halliburton raised some eyebrows during the 2000 campaign, his investment in GloboWrapCorp has gone almost entirely unnoticed.
But with recent calls from government officials urging the public to stock up on these materials, lawmakers on Capitol Hill today raised pointed questions about Cheney’s control of what amounts to a global duct-tape/plastic-sheeting monopoly.
“According to information provided to me, almost every dollar spent on these supplies goes directly into Dick Cheney’s pocket,” said Democratic leader Tom Daschle. “If that’s not a conflict of interest, then I’m Jennifer Aniston.”
While Vice President Cheney released a brief statement disavowing any conflict of interest, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge came under renewed pressure to explain precisely how duct tape and plastic sheeting could be used in the war against terror.
“If you see someone you suspect is a terrorist, sneak up behind him and wrap him up tightly,” Ridge said. “This is a simple thing each and every one of us can do.”
GloboWrapCorp
e-mail:
dickcheney@ducttapeadvisorycouncil.com