You are suffering from: Media Intoxication Syndrome. It is estimated that most people are affected by this condition at some time in their lives. For many it’s a long term condition. But you finally have an opportunity to clear your mind of mediatoxins! Just follow our groundbreaking: Media detox plan...


The media detox plan

For the purposes of collective sanity, the phrase "corporate media" henceforth refers to television, radio, web-sites, newspapers, magazines and all forms of advertising, owned or otherwise controlled by, and therefore promoting the interests of, hey, corporations.


1) Prepare by cancelling deliveries of newspapers and the like, hiding remote controls, and informing your nearest and dearest, colleagues and neighbours (lest they attempt to converse with you about the latest news/royal family/Big Brother etc...). You’re now ready to move swiftly on to the next step.


2) Detox. As well as cutting out all corporate media as described above, be careful to avert your eyes from: billboards, phoneboxes, buses and bus stops, Evening Standard stalls, brand logos on other people's clothing - sadly the list is endless. This really isn't as impossible as it sounds: it simply requires the skills displayed by millions everyday as they ignore people begging, sleeping in doorways or talking to themselves in a loud voice. Some people find it helpful to practice basic meditation techniques, such as closing their eyes, breathing deeply and reciting a mantra ("I have a mind of my own" is apparently very effective) when exposed to particularly virulent manifestations of corporate media. Make sure you don't get run over.


3) As your mind releases the huge quantities of mediatoxins accumulated over decades, you may experience some or all of the following side effects:
- isolation from the "real world", fear of getting "left behind"
- profound emptiness, accompanied by powerful cravings for any kind of information, regardless of quality and relevance to your life and interests
- increased alertness, longer concentration spans
- a preference for unprocessed foods which don’t come in miro-wave packaging
- an inexplicable attraction to small independent bookshops


4) People around you may be critical, unsupportive, and at best confused. It is advisable, at this early stage, to avoid getting drawn into debates and political arguments until you are free of mediatoxins. Although you cannot impose a media detox on those you live with, it is essential that they respect your choice and do their best to support you. A walkman and a stash of good tapes will come in handy.


5) If you are lucky enough to come across others who are detoxing, GET TOGETHER. Talk about what you're doing and why. Set up a community media detox group.


6) As you get over the initial hurdles, you will enjoy the detox. This is good. However, when you find that you are reaching a blissful state of contentment and unquestioning optimism, it is unfortunately time to move to the next step.


7) Now you must carefully reintroduce some means of information into your daily life, it's time to seek out the "independent media”. This may sound like a contradiction in terms, but the media were originally supposed to be independent, just as all vegetables used to be organic until they started getting genetically modified and sprayed with vested interests. They may not always be top quality - and do not claim to be unbiased - but they are tasty and good for your health. And if you can't find what you want, you can always grow your own.

Some exposure to corporate media is also recommended (as well as inevitable), in order to test your bullshit tolerance level, which should by now be very low. You may begin to wonder whether you'll ever be able to watch TV, read the Evening Standard (or the Guardian or the News of the World), wait for the bus and go shopping (and most other things) without developing severe headaches, nausea, skin rashes and a loud, persistent desire for radical social change. Well, don't worry. The skin rashes, headaches and nausea should subside in time.


8) Some documented results of a corporate media detox. It is not uncommon for people to develop laser vision, which enables them to see through corporate media packaging to the underlying propaganda, aimed at keeping us all entertained, and as dim as possible, in the midst of unprecedented social and environmental devastation which by definition is normally hard to miss...

You will discover:
- a vast expanse of uncluttered mental space free for the wayward growth of ideas, opinions and imagination,
- enhanced love and understand diversity
- a capacity for spontaneous direct action, which seems to be coming from nowhere but is in fact located deep within your ancestral self (tell those scientists to keep their corporate hands off your DNA!).
- an irreversible intolerance for injustice, inequality, oppression, indoctrination and artificial sweeteners in all their many ugly forms.


9) Some final tips...
Maintaining mental immunity is a bit like housework: take it for granted at your peril.
Make sure you keep your new-found clarity, determination and quirkiness all sparkling and in working order:
- question everything that comes your way, it can't hurt and it's good exercise;
- the above includes your own assumptions and needs: is that pair of Nike trainers really going to make you happy?
- surround yourself with like-minded people who don't think you are mad or going through a phase. But don’t shut yourself off from people who do, else you’ll come to forget they exist
- do not give in to depression, anxiety, paranoia and conspiracy theories - that's all part of their plan.
-don't forget that you, and everyone else, are expected to pay to have your intelligence insulted on a daily basis.


Congratulations! You have now purged yourself of mediatoxins, hopefully without going cold turkey. Exclusion from conversations about soap operas or big money game shows has been compensated by an unfiltered view of the world. So, now you know what’s going on out there... are you going to do something about it?