>Our workers and ranchers and farmers can compete with anybody in the world.

bring them foreigners down to the rodeo, we'll show 'em

>Our society rewards hard work and honest ambition,

not to mention inheritance and corruption

>We can be confident because America is taking every necessary step to fight and win the war on terror.

fight terror with terror

>We are hunting down the terrorists who seek to sow chaos.

but not the ones who sew Kmart

>My commitment, and the commitment of our government, is total. We will not relent until the cold-blooded killers are found, disrupted and defeated.

disrupt the dinosaurs!

>We can be confident because we're pursuing pro-growth reforms in Washington, D.C. Last year we passed the biggest tax cut in a generation, which encouraged job creation and boosted consumer spending at just the right time.

It may have benefitted the rich too, but that was incidental.

> I will insist on —— and, if need be, enforce —— discipline in federal spending, so we can meet our national priorities without undermining our economy.

Who needs a superfund anyway?

>When abuses like this begin to surface in the corporate world, it is time to reaffirm the basic principles and rules that make capitalism work: truthful books and honest people, and well-enforced laws against fraud and corruption.

Not to mention a permanent state of war

>All investment is an act of faith, and faith is earned by integrity. In the long run, there's no capitalism without conscience; there is no wealth without character.

In the long run there’s no wealth without clean air, water and soil, but I'll be gone by then hopefully

>And government can ensure that those who breach the trust of the American people are punished.

like the CIA, I’m gonna spank those boys

>Bold, well-considered reforms should demand integrity, without stifling innovation and economic growth.

cautious boldness!

>First, we will use the full weight of the law to expose and root out corruption. My administration will do everything in our power to end the days of cooking the books, shading the truth and breaking our laws.

And we’ll start with Cheney

>Today, by executive order, I create a new Corporate Fraud Task Force, headed by the deputy attorney general, [Larry D. Thompson], which will target major accounting fraud and other criminal activity in corporate finance. The task force will function as a financial crimes SWAT team, overseeing the investigation of corporate abusers and bringing them to account.

(theme from SWAT playing in the background)

>Today I announce my administration is asking Congress for an additional $100 million in the coming year to give the S.E.C. the officers and the technology it needs to enforce the law.

I mean I'm actually asking the taxpayers for it.

>I've also proposed a 10-point Accountability Plan for American Business, designed to provide better information to shareholders, set clear responsibility for corporate officers and develop a stronger, more independent auditing system. This plan is ensuring that the S.E.C. takes aggressive and affirmative action.

By affirmative action, I mean they better bust more black CEOs than white. Do you have black CEO’s too?

>Yet when a company uses deception —— deception accounting to hide reality, executives should lose all their compensation —— all their compensation —— gained by the deceit.

Even the frequent flyer miles

>In the future, the signature of the C.E.O. should also be his or her personal certification of the veracity and fairness of the financial disclosures. When you sign a statement, you're pledging your word, and you should stand behind it.

That’s why I never learned to sign my name

>I've also called on the S.E.C. to adopt new rules to ensure that auditors will be independent and not compromised by conflicts of interest.

so I’m giving back all this oil money

>Small investors should also not have to have the deck stacked against them when it comes to managing their own retirement funds. My pension reform proposal would treat corporate executives the same as workers during so-called "blackout periods," when employees are prohibited from trading in their accounts. What's fair for the workers is fair for the bosses.

Yeah and the bosses can’t have health insurance either

>Tougher laws and stricter requirements will help —— it'll help. Yet, ultimately, the ethics of American business depend on the conscience of America's business leaders. We need men and women of character, who know the difference between ambition and destructive greed, between justified risk and irresponsibility, between enterprise and fraud.

That’s why we’re gonna start recruiting CEOs just like we do the army and have CEO bootcamp

>Our schools of business must be principled teachers of right and wrong, and not surrender to moral confusion and relativism.

They been teachin' Nietzschenstein's theory of relativity too much

>Responsible business leaders do not jump ship during hard times.

Just like me, I didn’t jump ship and move to Mexico after 9-11.

>And one of the principal ways that C.E.O.'s set an ethical tone is through their compensation. The pay package sends a clear signal whether a business leader is committed to teamwork or personal enrichment. It tells you whether his principal goal is the creation of wealth for shareholders, or the accumulation of wealth for himself.

The idea that a principal goal could be other than creation of wealth for shareholders or himself never occurred to me.

>The S.E.C. currently requires the annual disclosure of a C.E.O.'s compensation. But that information is often buried in long proxy statements —— and seldom seen —— seldom seen —— by shareholders. I challenge every C.E.O. in America to describe in the company's annual report —— prominently, and in plain English —— details of his or her compensation package, including salary and bonus and benefits. And the C.E.O., in that report, should also explain why his or her compensation package is in the best interest of the company he serves.

I just thought of that a minute ago, but I like the sound of it!

>The 1990's was a decade of tremendous economic growth. As we're now learning, it was also a decade when the promise of rapid profits allowed the seeds of scandal to spring up.

Which was all cause of Clinton and his scandalous seed on Monica’s dress.

>A lot of money was made, but too often standards were tossed aside.

Unlike in the 80s when we were puritanical.

>Yet the American system of enterprise has not failed us.

Not quite yet