On Mayday 2002 the hive mind of the Metropolitan Police Force battled a group of disparate and disorganised protesters, many of whom had been secretly plotting violence and madness for months. The relative absence of violence this year is a tribute to the power of the hive mentality. The obsessive tailing of known trouble-makers for months beforehand also turned out to be far more effective than was predicted, intimidating the potentially violent anarchists into a state of high fear and causing many of them to turn up dressed as Nike-outfitted yobs swilling beer and insulting passers-by. In addition the hyping of the violence helped to keep peaceful demonstrators away, making the violent fringe more prominent and easily identifiable.
Who would have guessed that in the Mayfair area where dangerous anarchists had decided to flummox the forces of good by keeping mobile in small groups, the police would have the intelligence to respond with precisely the same tactic? The police drones stood around in groups of five and ten, able to converge wherever the anarchists converged. On nearly every corner they hovered, ready to chastise those who dared step beyond the law.
When bored anarchists drifted down to Trafalgar Square, the hive mind, with the help of the true anti-capitalists, had anticipated how troublesome their presence would be and moved to block the mass of over-excited youngsters dressed in provocative padding. Later on the unwashed, jobless layabouts moved up Charing Cross Road together and again the police responded with mimicry, choosing to march alongside them to control any violence that might break out. When scuffles broke out the drones were ready, and with pleased smiles drew out their batons and drew into protective formations, beating off the manic and politically misguided anarchists. At every turn the police mind outmanoeuvred the protesters and prevented unrestrained and undignified behaviour.
The real test for the forces of good finally came at the demonstration for legalisation of sex workers. While protesters foolishly partied the hive mind was preparing itself for the trouble it knew was coming. As the party drew on into the evening the true genius of the police was finally revealed. One large group of police drones began to behave in a belligerent manner and like flies to shit the aggressive protesters were drawn to them. Immediately the police in riot gear began to appear and the stand-off began – but entirely on police terms. Little by little the peaceful protesters drained away as they realised that the riot cops were about to encircle those involved in the stand-off. Only those who wished to be involved in clashes, many still disguised as drunken non-political louts, remained, mesmerised and masculinely challenged by the police display of naked force. And then the crunch came. The drones completed the encirclement and the troublemakers were contained.
In a new tactic the police then isolated the remaining protesters by imposing an exclusion zone around them, rendering them invisible to non-protesters and so enabling the police mind to justify any force used by making the drones themselves the only witnesses of all that followed. The ranks of riot police were impenetrable in every direction for several blocks around the troublemakers, and even outside that zone there were porous cordons allowing normal people through but ready to repel any long-haired or hooded nasties who might break loose or attempt to rescue their friends.
The violence was contained, and all that could be heard of the trapped protesters were intermittent cheers, and sometimes screams.
Let it be known that Mayday 2002 was one of the most elegant demonstrations of the Met hive mind in known history. It was a tribute to the insectoid method of organising, and if the anarchists have any sense they will now take their cue from the police and, ceasing their chaotic dis-organisation, begin to subsume their individualities to a greater will, in the cause of peace, happiness and prosperity.