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SOHO BURNS IN RIOT FRENZY

Daily Scum | 02.05.2002 11:36

Today's largely peaceful Mayday protests degenerated into rioting as masked anarchists went on a rampage through central London, damaging property and attacking members of the public.

Earlier in the day, a large number of potential trouble-makers, dressed in canary yellow jackets and wearing distinctive headgear, gathered in force on Oxford Street to observe and infiltrate the anti-capitalist protests in Mayfair. A hard core element wearing body armour and openly brandishing sticks tried several times to disrupt the protests by blocking the road.

The Daily Scum has learned that the anarchist ringleader behind the disruption is none other than "assistant commissioner" Mike Todd, who masterminded last year's campaign of terror and violence in Oxford Circus from a shadowy hideout in St James' Park known only as "Scotland Yard". The anarchist leaders, equipped with cell-phones and walkie-talkies, communicate with one another to maximise chaos and confusion, frequently running amok amid peaceful groups of protestors.

As darkness fell, a sinister element wearing crash helmets and carrying shields and batons surrounded a group of protestors on Old Compton Street. Molly Toff-Cocktail, 21, described what followed: "The anarchists went beserk, lashing out randomly at tourists and passers-by. There ought to be a law against this. Lock 'em up, I say."

Daily Scum Comment: Why Capitalism is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread.

By Professor Seamus O'Farting

The protestors who ran amok in central London yesterday ought to be ashamed of themselves. Capitalism is wonderful. These unemployed unshaven anarchist rabble claim to be anti-American, but each year, capitalism kills more Americans through ill health, stress and workplace accidents than any other political system ever dreamed of. And good riddance to them, I say. And what's more, if it wasn't for capitalism, there wouldn't be any wars or famines, which would be a disaster for the British defence industry.

Who do these extremists think they are, threatening the democratic process by smashing up McDonald's? If the British people want to eat irradiated cow shit for breakfast and drop dead from e-coli food poisoning, then that is their democratic right, and I will defend that right until my dying breath.

Daily Scum