Skip to content or view screen version

Weakly Werker 666 - Towards a Boring, Grey Future!

ww | 10.06.2001 09:04

latest issue

Weakly Werker 666 - Towards a Boring, Grey Future! In this week's Weakly Werker, paper of the useless Commie Stalinist Party of Lesser Britain
'Why do we call it a "Party" when the meetings are no damn fun?' - A. Nother Pinko asks the question that's on everyone's mind these days.
'Adventures in Eastern European Tenement Architecture, pt 42' - In this most recent installment, Van Guard discusses the 991 shades of grey paint that future proletarians will have to choose from after the revolution.
'We Know What's Best for You' - Executive Lord High Chairman Secretary scientifically proves just how much happier you will be once you let the Party choose your house, give you a job, grow your food, lose your luggage, and make the TV shows with the efficiency of the post office and the careful consideration of the army. Turns out you'll be 11.333 percent happier.
'Army Reserve of Labor' - Leon "the icepick" Trotsky explains the great new opportunities awaiting you in this great new branch of the army of labor. During your two week stay in a counterrevolutionary gulag, you'll eat only the fattiest meats and rotten potatoes while digging your own mass grave. After all, he who does not work does not eat.
'Gruel for Breakfast, Gruel for Lunch, Gruel for Dinner and Gruel for Brunch' - Our food critic previews the varied diet that you can expect as a lowly party member in the coming worker's paradise. Mmm mmm good! Oh yeah, condiments are a bourgeios affectation and counter-revolutionary, comrade.
'99 Ways to Turn in Your Lover' - Chief Lead High Commissioned Commissar of Intelligence Comrade Castro outlines 99 creative and innovative ways to rat that special someone out to the Security Force before they rat on you.
'Party Scientists Discover New Type of Hierarchy' - Comrade People's Scientist Igor Von Quack discusses, in mind-numbing detail, his recent discovery of a heretofore unknown hierarchy. New electron microscopes have proven conclusively the existence of the "Shitworker". The new technology revealed the title sandwiched between "Grunt" and "Flunky." Party scientists are hopeful that many new levels of hierarchy can now be discovered and put to use. Next, party scientists hope to prove the existence of the ass-manager.
Extracts from this edition can be viewed at
The Commie Stalinist Party of Lesser Britain calls itself the vanguard of the working class, although, for some reason, there are no workers in the organization. There are a lot of bureaucrats, though. Tons and tons. Despite the lessons of history, and the obvious point that the state will never wither away, we continue to mouth the same old tired platitudes and spout the same familiar rhetoric about replacing the capitalists - with us. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

- e-mail: 3
- Homepage:


Display the following 3 comments

  1. Damn good that.... — Generation Terrorist
  2. very progressive — anti-corporate
  3. remember who our enemies are? — tom