In a spurious shock announcement to a small genteel gathering late tomorrow night, Labour's sinister mastermind, known only by the eerie acronym 'Dobbo', declared to the huge crowd of thugs that he was moving closer to the SWP! "Its great he said, I can wander out at the crack of noon and buy a copy of Socialist Worker every day." When Our reporter pointed out that it was only a weekly publication, he replied:
"Dont give me that ! I cant get enough of it! Anyway, capitalists will tell lies about anything ! You know what, they said the USSR had collapsed last week, but they dont fool me ! I didnt win second prize in the Ernest Hemingway Lookalike competition last year for nothing. Actually, it was for nothing, come to think about it. I never got those book tokens"

ITV's John Sargeant is nobody.