HOME | IMC UK | Editorial Guidelines | Mission Statement | About Us | Contact | Help | Support Us

Oxford Indymedia

Hidden Article

This posting has been hidden because it breaches the Indymedia UK (IMC UK) Editorial Guidelines.

IMC UK is an interactive site offering inclusive participation. All postings to the open publishing newswire are the responsibility of the individual authors and not of IMC UK. Although IMC UK volunteers attempt to ensure accuracy of the newswire, they take no responsibility legal or otherwise for the contents of the open publishing site. Mention of external web sites or services is for information purposes only and constitutes neither an endorsement nor a recommendation.

Bicyclists are silly, immature people playing dress-up and make believe

Paul Townford | 01.09.2008 09:46 | Culture | Other Press | Social Struggles | London | Oxford

Bicyclists are silly, immature people playing dress-up and make believe



There are plenty of candidates for Biggest Jerks on the Planet awards, and perhaps you'll find your favorite among the following:

Oil company executives

Drug dealers

NBA players

Social workers

Journalists

Used car salesmen

Deepak Chopra

Fitness instructors

All excellent choices, and all certainly worthy of our scorn, but I have a category I think towers above the others in terms of arrogance, narcissism and uselessness. I speak of course, of bicyclists.

I don't mean you and your 8-year old toodling around Todd Grove Park, dad on that 50-year old Schwinn Cruiser, daughter on a used, pink Barbie Doll bike with training wheels. No, I mean bicyclists.

I mean the dipwads who squeeze into black and yellow polyester togs, strap on vented, ultra-high tech wind resistant helmets, mount $12,000 titanium and platinum speed machines, and take to the road exactly half a block ahead of you on your way to work. Those smug, sneering, phony pedaling creeps - those are the bicyclists I'm talking about.

Who do they think they are, other than the most wonderful people in the galaxy? Bicyclists obviously love themselves, and why shouldn't they? Behold their skintight red-and-green-and purple lycra costumes! Gaze upon them as they pedal furiously down a long hill while they closely examine their perfect pumping thighs and their sleek, taut forearms! Adonis lives within me, they whisper to themselves.

Meanwhile you, a carbonload dinosaur

in an old Plymouth station wagon trail behind this pack of clown-garbed sillies and blankly wonder why they can't at least move over so you can get to work. As in "Share the Road" which is a bumper sticker that every one of these rolling pukes has glued to his Toyota Prius. Of course, the bike brigade doesn't care if you get to work on time, or at all, because they're so busy saving the planet.
But what is it with dressing up like Lance Armstrong to ride a bike a few miles around Ukiah? Do these same jerks dress up like Dale Earnhardt when they hop in their car (through the driver's side window, no doubt) in order to go to Safeway?

When they have tickets to fly from SFO to Boston do they show up at the airport dressed up like Charles Lindberg or Eddie Rickenbacker - you know, leather helmet, goggles, long white scarf and a flight map? If a neighbor invites one of these cats over for a poolside barbecue do they arrive outfitted in an official Jacques Cousteau model deep sea style wetsuit, complete with US Navy quality breathing tanks?

Well then, why in the world do they think they need to look like Greg LeMond when they wheel their bicycle out of the garage on a Thursday afternoon in order to ride six blocks to the post office?

Bicyclists are silly, immature people playing dress-up and make believe. They are the most selfish people you are likely to encounter in your everyday life as they move in a herd up and down the hills on the Boonville Road, staying three abreast to prevent cars from slipping by, and swerving gently across the lanes in case one tries.

I'd like these people rounded up and sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Next time you encounter a batch of bicyclists gathered outside a coffee shop, them and their bicycles completely and defiantly blocking pedestrians and preventing them from using the sidewalk, pick the bicycle boy with the most garish outfit, walk up and punch him square in the nose.

But first take care to don a pair of official Leon Spinks' model Everlast boxing trunks.

Nessie has never hada pink Barbie Doll bicycle with training wheels.

for more of my views see;
 http://www.indybay.org/nessiefiles

please repost

Paul Townford

Publish your news
-->

Kollektives

Birmingham
Cambridge
Liverpool
London
Oxford
Sheffield
South Coast
Wales
World

Other UK IMCs
Bristol/South West
London
Northern Indymedia
Scotland

Oxford Topics

Afghanistan
Analysis
Animal Liberation
Anti-Nuclear
Anti-militarism
Anti-racism
Bio-technology
Climate Chaos
Culture
Ecology
Education
Energy Crisis
Fracking
Free Spaces
Gender
Globalisation
Health
History
Indymedia
Iraq
Migration
Ocean Defence
Other Press
Palestine
Policing
Public sector cuts
Repression
Social Struggles
Technology
Terror War
Workers' Movements
Zapatista

IMCs


www.indymedia.org

Projects
print
radio
satellite tv
video

Africa

Europe
antwerpen
armenia
athens
austria
barcelona
belarus
belgium
belgrade
brussels
bulgaria
calabria
croatia
cyprus
emilia-romagna
estrecho / madiaq
galiza
germany
grenoble
hungary
ireland
istanbul
italy
la plana
liege
liguria
lille
linksunten
lombardia
madrid
malta
marseille
nantes
napoli
netherlands
northern england
nottingham imc
paris/île-de-france
patras
piemonte
poland
portugal
roma
romania
russia
sardegna
scotland
sverige
switzerland
torun
toscana
ukraine
united kingdom
valencia

Latin America
argentina
bolivia
chiapas
chile
chile sur
cmi brasil
cmi sucre
colombia
ecuador
mexico
peru
puerto rico
qollasuyu
rosario
santiago
tijuana
uruguay
valparaiso
venezuela

Oceania
aotearoa
brisbane
burma
darwin
jakarta
manila
melbourne
perth
qc
sydney

South Asia
india


United States
arizona
arkansas
asheville
atlanta
Austin
binghamton
boston
buffalo
chicago
cleveland
colorado
columbus
dc
hawaii
houston
hudson mohawk
kansas city
la
madison
maine
miami
michigan
milwaukee
minneapolis/st. paul
new hampshire
new jersey
new mexico
new orleans
north carolina
north texas
nyc
oklahoma
philadelphia
pittsburgh
portland
richmond
rochester
rogue valley
saint louis
san diego
san francisco
san francisco bay area
santa barbara
santa cruz, ca
sarasota
seattle
tampa bay
united states
urbana-champaign
vermont
western mass
worcester

West Asia
Armenia
Beirut
Israel
Palestine

Topics
biotech

Process
fbi/legal updates
mailing lists
process & imc docs
tech