First Clown Account of the Edible Dionysian Orchestra's (EDO) Grand Finale

Most clowns were hiding their red noses underneath red pieces of cloth so that they would not be identified as clowns. They chose red because it is a nice jolly colour and also because it represents blood, which is what pours out when human beings are cut or maimed or burned or killed or exploded or sliced or pierced or sheared or shaved or crunched or crushed by the weapons (or bits of weapons – but they amount to full weapons when put together with other bits) made by EDO.

The people in the building where EDO is were frightened that the clowns in red would play too roughly and so asked some clowns in blue to come and make sure that no-one played too roughly.

Then the clowns in blue started to play really roughly themselves!!! And their Mummies weren’t there to tell them to be kind and gentle and not to force things so the whole thing just got more and more rough and hurty.

It was weird because these clowns in blue were actually really scared – even when I talked to them about how hot it was and whether they’d like to take their jackets off and wouldn’t it be good if we all got naked together and also about what was their favourite colour and dinner and things like that. Even when I became the sea – which usually makes people relax and start smiling – they were still frightened of me and couldn’t hear anything.

Some were also really over-excited (probably too much orange squash) and poked all of us red clowns playing in the car park with hard jabby sticks, shouting, “Get back! Get back! Get back!”

I got scared then and the sticks hurt too much so I hid in a bush until all the shouting had stopped. The bush was really nice and cool and green and hid me really well until everyone had gone. But then the clowns in blue locked the gate and I was locked in! So I decided I’d live in the bush for ever and ever as we instantly loved each other and I knew that the bush would never hurt me on purpose like that but stroke me gently with her leaves. Then I crawled out of the bush to go and fetch a sacred drum one of the clowns in red had left behind by mistake and shocked several clowns in blue by my sudden appearance. They were still pretty frightened and nearly took me to play the sitting-in-a-cell-on-your-own-for-a-long-time game. Thank goodness they didn’t because that is really the most boring game in the world!

Some of the clowns in blue felt sorry that they’d been so rough after they stopped being so scared. They tried to say sorry with their eyes because they weren’t allowed to just come out and say sorry with words or hugs. I felt sad about this.

The clowns in red just wanted to see if there was another game that everyone could play apart from the bits-of-weapon-making game, which has been going on for years and years and maybe centuries and is turning into an old hat now.

New games (or really old original ones perhaps), like making delicious cakes for each other or taking all our clothes off and kissing, can be really good fun and make everyone feel really good. I’m going to suggest these new games to the clowns in blue – who don’t seem to realise we’re all allowed to play these sorts of games and could play them all the time together instead…

Love from Kommodore Koogiexxx